Friday, January 27, 2006

The Phone Again

So, last night I logged onto my dating service online and found someone interesting…we exchange a few emails…eventually, cell phone numbers…and long story, short, I get a call a few minutes later. Understand, I have enough tricks up my sleeve to get by in most difficult situations, though they do not always work. For example, I rarely will call somebody else, simply because I usually block right away and no tricks will get me by.

It’s much easier to have someone call me…that way I don’t have to deal with the stress of knowing the person I am talking to doesn’t even know who I am and I am burdened with establishing the familiarity. Maybe you know what I’m talking about. I think most stutterers do. My boss at work once told me to call city hall in order to get some political campaign contribution statistics. This was a terrifying prospect for me because first of all, I had no idea who would have such information…and I knew the person who would first answer the phone…probably wasn’t the person I’d need to speak to and I’d have to start off the conversation by establishing with this person exactly what I was looking for. Yikes.

I tried everything else in order to avoid the call. I logged on the internet…searched the site…looked for an email…but ultimately knew it wasn’t going to be good enough because my boss was expecting an answer pretty quickly and an email wouldn’t get information as fast as he wanted it. If I told him I emailed, he’d just say, “Okay, did you call?” Eventually, I did call. If you are a stutterer, you know how emotionally draining such a task is and how glad you are once the call is over and you are replaying the entire conversation with whomever you were talking to over and over in your head, knowing they were probably repulsed by your voice and hated talking to you. And you also know that finally getting through the conversation is not as satisfying as one might think because you know that a time is coming soon where you’ll have to do it all over again.

So, I get the call, I have the person’s name, they have mine, everything is as conducive as it can possibly be for the greatest chance of fluency. And to my delight, I am mostly fluent! Obviously I did stutter just a tad in my opening sentences because almost immediately, the person says, “Oh, you stutter.” Now…I usually pride myself on being very good at hiding it from people (maybe I’m just fooling myself)…and I have only had a handful of people in my entire life mention my stutter at all, if they noticed. To have this person mention it almost immediately either means…they know a stutterer in their own life, they are a speech therapist…they stutter themselves…or I am not as good at hiding it as I think I am. I’m sure it’s the latter. At least this time.

It totally took the edge off for some reason (usually it would make it worse) and I winded up being almost completely fluent the entire conversation, using most of my tricks (word swapping…exhaling until I have only enough air to push out the first sentence…feigning introspection, etc.). And to top it off…I have a coffee date for this evening.


MarvThroneberryII said...

Good score, Law.

Usually in my experience if I just stutter once, just once, whilst chatting up a female human I can forget about asking her out for even coffee.;-)

With these dating services, I've noticed in the ads 'women seeking men' that besides resources the majority of female humans want their male humans to have good verbal communications. It's really big with them. Stuttering in front of the female desired for pair- bonding situations is comparable to farting or blowing a load of snot from the nose and eating boogers in their sight. Fairly much doomed..might as well leave the on-deck circle and head for the showers..

John MacIntyre said...

I'm not even going to ask where the "load of snot" comment came from. LMAO

Law Student said...

I have to tell you what happened on this date. Afterwards, you'll know why I've decided to only date those over 30 from now on. *laugh*

We went to Starbucks for coffee's connected to a Barnes and Noble. My date picks up the latest book by Jimmy Carter and says, "Oh, I like this guy!"

"Really?," I said, genuinely impressed that this 20-something college student actually knows and reads Jimmy Carter.

"Oh, yeah, he's really cool. He's done some pretty amazing things, right? He's a physicist or something like that. Works with wood."

I was shocked beyond measure. The date was over right then...because that's all that stayed in my mind th rest of the evening. *laugh*

MarvThroneberryII said...

Sheesh! Sounds like some of the real cerebral 'politically aware' dates that I have had...Jimmy Carter a *phyiscist*..I busted a gut at the idea. She is probably related to the individual I dumped at a bar after she told me that she voted for Clinton twice for the sole reason that she liked his hair. Makes me want to do away with universal suffrage with these MENSA allumni in front of a ballot box..

Anyway, the 'load of snot' comment comes from a time as a young lad I was making the moves on these twin waitresses of loose reputation, the both of them. When I sneezed and mucus descended from my nostrils directly in front of them, viewing the look of shock in their bambi eyes that some dork would actually do such a thing -fairly much confirmed that the entire ballpark caved in on that game.Obviously the twins didn't have a snot fetish or anything, and neither do I...

Problem with the 30+ age human females is the lack of availablity/quality, I've noticed. Finding an available 30+ one who doesn't think that Jimmy Carter is a rocket scientist, doesn't weigh 250lbs, has all of her teeth...Just wait until you get up to the 40+ ones and try to find a free gem in that age group ;-)